The Conscious Parent's Guide to Gender Identity by Darlene Tando

Author:Darlene Tando [Tando, Darlene]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2016-07-02T00:00:00+00:00

Fluctuations of Joy

Children are, by nature, typically very joyful beings. Your child’s gender expansiveness, if not met with affirmation, may have been a source of distress for them. If your child was dysphoric because of an internal gender identity that differed from their assigned gender, you may not have seen a lot of uninhibited joy from your child. Addressing and affirming their gender expression or identity will hopefully unleash the natural joy inherent within your child.

Ironically, at the same time parents experience the increasing joy that comes from affirming their child, they may themselves struggle with their own feelings about their child and who they thought their child was. Parents may have had a lot of expectations tied up with gender, all of which seem to be shifting. Your joy may feel as though it’s been stifled a little bit, even as your child’s joy is expanding. While you may need to give yourself some time to adjust, being conscious can help make this journey easier.

If you are very connected to your child, you can experience joy as they are experiencing it. You will recognize that your child is not an extension of yourself, but their own unique, beautiful being. When you relinquish ownership of your child and especially your child’s gender, you are free to simply enjoy things as they are. If you find yourself temporarily unable to do this, remind yourself that these feelings are transient. Allow them to sit with you while being acknowledged. However, you may need to eventually excuse yourself from these feelings so that you can go and join in with your child (and their joy) exactly as they are.

During all the stages of your child’s gender journey, there is happiness to be had. Happiness is genderless. Staying consciously connected to your child in the present moment will help you embrace those moments of happiness that are yours for the taking.

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